I created the masterpiece of a lifetime the other day. 

Along with my dream morning of going to the beach, getting the best hair cut, working in my perfect studio, playing with my delightful child and eating the yummiest dinner. 
That I made. From scratch. By hand. 

Also, obviously, winning the lottery. 

for daydreams, it was one of the best.

Now, I'm not here to dismiss daydreaming, or visualisations of your ideal life.

I want you to note the 'created the masterpiece' part. 

so many amazing creations are done in my head. 

Best paintings. 
Witty emails. 
New products and online workshops
All created out of thin air so perfectly in my mind.

the issue really only happens when they stay there.

Or worse, when I say to myself: 

'Oh that was a nice dream, if only it could happen it real life. But it could never so let's forget it and get on with my day.'

It's the same feeling I get when I meet people who talk to me about my artwork

they gush about how Creative I must be. 

How Amazing it is to have such talent. 

And here is the punch line....

How they wish they could paint but....

they could NEVER paint because they just AREN'T creative. 

This isn't EVERYONE who compliments my work - most of my fans and certainly my collectors are amazing creative & lovely people. They express their love & I can see that they express their creativity in different ways to mine by our conversations & also just by their art collection. 

Now, I am totally happy to accept all flattery and positive, loving feedback about my work & art.

Working in the studio is a solo and sometimes, lonely solitary activity. 

Showing the art that was created does feel vulnerable and scary. So getting that positive feedback is more than welcome to calm the nerves.

it's the certainty with which they say such negative things about their own creativity that makes me uneasy.

I mean, did they actually TRY painting? 

Did they actually do it for a decent amount of time and give it a good go? 

Before they shut that down and say things like NEVER and SO NOT CREATIVE. 

do they know that creative doesn't just mean painting? 

There is music, cooking, writing, making films, acting, dancing, creating businesses, creating books, creating festivals, creating anything really. Like cakes, cubby houses, actual houses, even spreadsheets. 

The other thing I've also found alot is, those who shower me with such compliments but is also very quick to dismiss their own creativity? They also dismiss my work just as quickly. 

As in, they don't take the time to connect with it deeply. They don't stand in front of the artwork to look within and see and feel something deeper. I think it's hard to appreciate someone else's creativity while dismissing your own. The sad thing is, sometimes I can see how much they yearn to collect art but can't even bring themselves to do that either! Whether that's a painting like mine or something simple like a beautiful hand made vase. I know how much JOY there is in being surrounded by beauty and art. 

shutting down your own creativity tends to shut down other's too. 

But it also makes me think about me. (p.s I've found it insightful to turn things around when something/someone is bothering me consistently. What if everyone or everything is a mirror? What could you learn about yourself you never saw before?)

What am I totally dismissing about myself without actually trying?

 What am I ignoring because I am holding a firm (yet unproved) belief about my abilities without trying to see beyond the box I'm in? 

What am I saying ' that's just the way it is' or 'if only..,' about my situation without taking the time and effort to first, actually 100% try, and second, look beyond what I expect the answer to be? How can I be open to a different answer to achieve my goals?

How about you? 

What are you wishing for an opportunity to do, say, experience that you KNOW you would NEVER or could EVER do?

Is that really true? Have you actually tried with honest to goodness effort? 

Is there another way to play with your creativity without having to be 'whatever or whoever' you're looking up to?

(these wallpapers are available in the Insider library exclusively for insider members - please sign up here to gain access. Join today as older editions are removed when new artwork is released every month)

...

My 3 year old dances at every opportunity. 

If she hears a song playing at the shops she will dance. She loves EMMA from The Wiggles and sees plenty of professional dancers doing their thing beautifully during her limited screen times. 

That doesn't stop her.

She loves moving and music.

she feels it, she does it!

She will WANT me to video her dancing and sometimes insist I join in. 

And no. She's no dance prodigy. It looks more like a random head nodding, leg spasm with a twist of hand & hip twirling thrown in. 

BUT the thing is... I think of her as a dancer. Cos she dances. 

I know how easy it is, (and comfortable) to sit on the sidelines and watch those you admire dancing so beautifully. 

Having the best time. 

You want to enjoy yourself like that. You want to dance with that person you admire too! You wish you could dance beautifully but you just KNOW you could NEVER do it cause you're not a dancer. 

I know that maybe you're not going to look like a professional dancer. But there is a difference between a dancer and a pro dancer. 

what if you're not a dancer simply because you're not dancing?

What are you daydreaming about? Is it a dream home? the dream holiday or a dream weekend retreat? 

The magazines you're browsing, ads you're pausing just a moment longer to watch... Is there a way you can just start doing what you're dreaming of? 

Pick a country and look up flights so you know how much you need to save and by when.  

Call up a girlfriend and promise each other to have a weekend away in a month - and schedule in your leave.

Start with one room in the house and buy that cushion or that artwork (*hint hint shop here) and make a dream room first.

Want to paint? or work with ceramics? 

Look up a creative workshop that teaches basic skills in the area you're interested in and schedule it in. 

Want to write? Grab a pen & paper or sit in front of the computer, set the timer for 15minutes and START WRITING

Want to dance? Turn up the music and just dance. 

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When It Seems Impossible

Do What You Can

Let us Begin

When You Want To Start Over 

Dear Lovely friend,

This is for you if you're feeling the overwhelm monster looming over your shoulder

This is for you (& really me) who feel the pressure of all your dreams and goals for the year ahead & you haven't begun the way you had hoped on January 1st.

this is for those moments when the task seems bigger than your capacity to even imagine.

This is for you when the bad days that suck so bad drag out into weeks. 

And there isn't even the slightest whiff of relief to come. 

For when the light at the end of the tunnel feels like a figment of your desperate imagination. 

I want to say 'There there. It will be alright' But that just feels like bulls**t.

So all I can say is, with what little energy is left, please keep that spark of faith going. 

The faith in your process. 

The faith in a new sunrise each day. 

The faith that this messy middle will pass and it's actually VITAL for the breakthrough to come.

The faith in the rainbow after the storm. 

even if you can't see it. 

Especially when you can't see it. Feel it. Or even picture it in your mind.

In those moments when it almost feels too much.  

Or feels 'Totally Hopeless!!' said with a high shrill by Ms Barbara, my inner drama queen.

I like to focus on the next smallest step. 

However 'impossible' there is always a small step forward. 

It may feel so small that there seems to be no point. 

BUT THAT IS THE POINT! 

I just look for the tiny drop in an ocean of overwhelm I can possibly just do right now. 

Then the next step

Then the next. 

Then the next

With lots of breaks in between to drown/sulk in that sea of overwhelm. 

Then the next step

Then with after what feels like a BILLION YEARS AND STEPS

the clouds break. The rainbow shines it's light. 

It's done! 

The ocean of To dos is behind me and I stand on new shores. 

Shores that I couldn't possibly imagine, let alone see in those moments of darkness. 

YAY!

(these wallpapers are available in the Insider library exclusively for insider members - please sign up here to gain access. Join today as older editions are removed when new artwork is released every month)

 

but for now. i'm with you.

It's dark. It's hard to see past your own nose.

It's all just SO hard. Like dragging your feet through muddy quicksand. 

Everything is a mess. Your files. Your room. Your hair!

You're not doing everything properly. Let alone to the standard of excellence you pride yourself.

Let alone that big ass goal you've set that you were SO SURE. This. IS. The. YEAR! 

...

One small step forward. 

One phone call to connect with family

Schedule one dinner date unto the calendar

Set a timer for 5 minutes to research flights to that dream destination

Start a new document for that blog post

Create a bullet point list of all the main ideas for your new product offering.

Pick one colour. One paintbrush and put something down onto that scary white blank canvas.

Replace colour with an idea. Paintbrush with pen and put something down onto that scary white blank piece of paper. 

You ARE doing an amazing job. 

Keep going. 

I'll see you on the other side

MAY YOU SEE PAST THE IMPOSSIBLE AND TRUST

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Do What You Can

Let us Begin

Beauty Begins The Moment You Decide To Be Yourself

Not Perfect, Whole

Building A Door

When You Want To Start Over 

The magic is in the air. 

New clean slate.

That new diary/planner smell.

Shiny clean wall calendar with all those blank spaces.

All the hopes and dreams to be found in endless possibilities.

So let's begin!

What do you want to feel throughout 2017?

What do you want To Be?

To do?

To Have?

Look at these areas of your life: Review where you stand. Then what do you want to achieve by the end of 2017

Home/Environment.
Romance.
Friends & Family.
Work/Career.
Spirituality.
Hobby/Thing you do JUST FOR THE JOY.
Physical Health.
Mental/Emotional Health.
Finances.
Personal Development

Set SMART goals.  Set one word intention for the year. Set SMARTER goals. Set 90 day goals. Set Habit goals. What is your 3 year plan? Five year plan? 

...

hyperventilating yet?

I LOVE planning, but I know that list makes me both excited & anxious. 

Anxious like, I’m going to just curl into a ball in bed for the next month. See you later!

If only I had set myself up earlier.

If only I didn't forget all these appointments in January. So now I'm catching up on that & falling behind of everything else.

If only I had made my 2017 plans before the crazy busyness of Christmas. 

If I had just crossed all those to do lists off AND made the PERFECT plan

I would be so much further along by now.

I would find this work so much easier - just follow the next step

Instead I’m still creating a plan from scratch, tying up loose ends. Starting projects that HAS TO START NOW.

while also catching up on ALL THE THINGS.

no wonder chocolate & tv has featured so heavily in my diet the last few weeks

Overwhelm is coming back - like an old smell that lingers.

No matter how many times you blast that shit with bleach. 

No matter how long you put it in the sun.

That smell…

it smells like fear & regret & doubts & just a hint of self-loathing. Only because you know that YOU KNOW BETTER.

(these wallpapers are available in the Insider library exclusively for insider members - please sign up here to gain access. Join today as older editions are removed when new artwork is released every month)

Start where you are.

Yup it’s totally not perfect.

Yeah, it may be easier if you had just made that to do list and weekly plan LAST week. Instead of right now. In the middle of everything else.

Yeah, probably should have maintain your exercises instead of letting that slip. So now that bad back is another thing to look into

Just put it on the list.

Start where you are.

pick one thing. do that thing. finish that thing.

Pick another ONE thing. Do that.

Keep going until it’s time to go to bed.

Cos that bad back needs sleep lady

...

Sure, it would be totally easier if you had a cleaner, a chef, a housekeeper, a butler, a maid, a nanny, chauffeur, a personal stylist, personal dresser and a host of personal assistants all just waiting to make YOUR life amazing.

Plus all the money in the world to pay for all this & it just falls magically into your lap.

So, you know, you don’t have to worry about taxes and banking and stuff.

OH and a 27hr day would be good thanks!

Maybe if you only need like, 2 hours of sleep?

Use what you DO have.

It can be easy to focus on the gap ahead of you. 

Between where you are and where you want to be.

that gap only grows bigger the longer you stare at it. 

Plus it makes you feel SHIT! about yourself. about your life. ALL. THE. THINGS.

I know when I feel like that, I lose what little energy I have left to keep going.

Instead, look at where you are now. 

Look for what you DO have.

Look back at all that you've done between who you were to who you are now. 

No, not all the things you WISHED you had done. That's looking at the gaps.

i bet there are moments that make you happy & proud of your amazing self & life. 

Yes, this is that gratitude practice you keep hearing about.

What can you do today? 

What do you have on hand?

What one thing, no matter how small, can you say you’re proud of? That you’re happy with.

If you say nothing, you have a different (too big for my expertise) problem and I lovingly suggest you focus on finding someone to talk to and work on your mental and emotional health.

...

you do have something!

You’re reading this! (*patting myself on the back* Ha! No, seriously I thank you for connecting with me here. All my love!)

You made time to think about yourself! 

You know you have the next 5 minutes to do a brain dump and write down ALL THE THINGS. 

once it’s out of your head, you’ll instantly feel lighter. 

The overwhelm may still linger, but you can SEE it and it is contained onto that sheet of paper.

You have a pen. You have a piece of paper.

Pick one thing on that list. The most important. Most urgent. I don’t care.

yes there are strategies to a more ‘efficient system’

but right now that smell isn’t going away and you ain't go no time to go learn another new system.

pick one thing. do that one thing. You’ll feel empowered and get some energy back to keep going.

I also know that YOU KNOW one thing you can do. Been wanting to try. Had done before but fell off that bandwagon.

Whatever it is, you know that one thing will help lift you up and move one baby step forward. 

Not asking for the perfect thing. Nor a miracle here. 

I just know as you're reading this, something popped up in your head like a little hopeful hand waving at you. Go do that thing.

Do what you can

While you’re doing that one thing on your list. Something WILL COME UP. 

You will hit a roadblock. 

Your back will give out a bit. You’ll walk like an old old lady. An old lady with arthritis. Painfully slowly and in pain.

Someone may vomit all over you. Or you're the one stuck in the toilet.

You may need something you don’t actually have and didn’t know you needed or even how you're going to get it.

Basically all the signs will scream at you to STOP.

You’re going the wrong way.

You’re the wrong person for this job

You’re doing it wrong

You’re just not good enough.

That’s what the voices will say. Yes, you have voices in your head now on top of that bad back.

it’s not a sign to stop

it’s not a sign that you’re doing the wrong thing

it’s definitely not a sign you're the wrong person. 

what if it’s just part of the process?

If it was totally easy, you would have done it already remember? 

what if it's a sign that you're on the way? bumps and potholes as a way to boost your determination. your energy. your resolve.

So what to do?

you do what you can.

if you need to pause a moment to get the tools you need. Do that

If you need to ask for help. Do that

If you need to put it aside, because something else moved up the priority list? Do that!

If you can put aside the emotional attachment that what happened was a personal attack on you - you can keep going.

which will then make you feel stronger, better & more empowered. Which starts the circle of happy which means more energy and motivation to keep going. Before you know it, your ambitious self will be back. Your super powers will come help you kick ass.

And you’ll remember all that awesome you're looking for? You’ve always had within you.

MAY YOU FIND THE MAGIC WAS IN YOU ALL ALONG

---

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Let us Begin

Beauty Begins The Moment You Decide To Be Yourself

Not Perfect, Whole

Building A Door

Mercy Triumphs Over Judgment

When You Want To Start Over 

You know that feeling at the end of the work week...

and you start to switch off before it's even 3pm Friday?

That anti-climatic fizzing out feeling. 

Maybe it's almost the end of a project.
End of a season.
End of the year.

you start daydreaming of what's to come.

Weekend plans. Next quarter projects. 
That ONE thing you TOTALLY WILL do when the clock strikes midnight and it's January first.

fffiiizzzzz...pppssssshhhh....  

That's the sound of all motivation and productivity fizzling out.

(these wallpapers are available in the Insider library exclusively for Insider members - please sign up here to gain access. Join today as older editions are removed when new artwork is released)

I was feeling really lethargic after days of resting. 

instead of resting i was resisting.

Doing other things instead of the work I needed to do.

The momentum had slowed down. I could feel the energy needed to start pushing the ball forward again. Pushing uphill actually.

And well...laziness is so comfy isn't it?

Plus it's already almost the end of the year. Let's just press the snooze button and work on the new year list of to dos instead. I'll do #allthethings....tomorrow/next week/next year!

I have to keep telling myself to stop looking forward.

Planning. Worrying. Dreaming.

Totally counterintuitive for me.
To stop future thinking.

Stop dreaming of the future just long enough to see what I need to do today to actually bring my body forward match the vision of my mind.

Not the thousand steps that will be needed.

Just the ONE step I need to do (or CAN do) today.

And also to 'smell the roses'

To laugh with my family. To enjoy the fruits that were planted yesterday. Just breathe in the sweetness of today.

Even if I feel sad and disappointed about all those missed targets.

The dreams and goals that didn't quite happen. 

That's when I fall back into remembering. Looking back. It's easy for my mind to swing back there too.

Which way do you normally go? Too much forward? Or too much back?

You end up frozen and do nothing when you're too future focused. Or you end up doing the wrong things. In the wrong order. 

Plus the anxious disappointment! Always focusing on the gap between where you are and where you want to be? fiisss...ppsshhh.. there's that sound again!

When you're too stuck in the past? You end up frozen as well! 

Regret and disappointment blinds you to seeing the opportunities of today.

Nothing wrong with thinking forward, or looking back.

Without looking forward - you don't plan and take action with intention.

Without looking back - you don't learn the lessons and end up going around in circles repeating mistakes.

It's when you stay too long in either the future or past that causes problems. Your mind and body kinda needs to be together in the same time and place. Right?

and your body is always in the present.

(Unless you have the secret to time traveling! Please share if you do!)

So this wallpaper is very much needed in my studio and office.

It's not a new message. I know. Maybe even a bit cliche

But this quote came at the right time for me. I hope for you too.

What if we release yesterday. What if we leave tomorrow for...tomorrow.

Let's begin the work we must do TODAY.

MAY THIS WALLPAPER BRING YOU BACK TO YOURSELF TO BEGIN THE JOURNEY FORWARD

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Beauty Begins The Moment You Decide To Be Yourself

Not Perfect, Whole

Mercy Triumphs Over Judgment

Building A Door

When You Want To Start Over 

Beauty is a big value in my life. 

Along with the other usual values like family, integrity, respect, kindness etc...

Beauty is actually pretty high up there on the priority list. 

having beautiful things to look at is one of the great joys of my life.

Seeing ugly things, literally sometimes, hurts my eyes. 

(of course, when I say 'beautiful' it's totally subjective)

I mean, I'm kinda in the business of beauty.

Aesthetics, obviously

I do want to create artworks that 'look' beautiful.

But I always want to refocus that to the deeper kind of beauty. 

Seeing through the colours and 'prettiness' into the depths where a beauty that feels like it resonates from within.

you know, the kind of beauty that feels like it was earnt. 

Or divinely discovered.

Experienced in that full-bodied kind of way

Or discovered after pain or heartache. 

The beauty in a sunrise not just for the aesthetics,
but because you just had a life or death experience the night before. 

Or the beauty of a crying baby in your arms, after years of praying to fall pregnant. 

these wallpapers are available in the Insider library exclusively for insider members - please sign up here to gain access. Join today as older editions are removed when new artwork is released every month)
 

You know that kind of digging? 

Digging into the depths to find that gem of beauty? 

That's also the kind of hard,
sometimes torturous work needed to clear the layers of baggage

and pain

and dirt

and masks

and all the junk before you find that little gem that is yours alone.

The 'YOU' within. 

what you find may not be what you expected. 

Maybe not even what you hoped for.

There may even be bits you find hard to look at.

Yet all of it, not just the gem, but the whole process, journey and discovery?

There is a kind of beauty in that too.

The sad thing is, some people don't bother digging at all.

Others stop when the work gets painful.

Some just find it takes too long and they just settle. After all, it's all good right?

Even sadder still is, when they do find something that is really their true selves - especially when they were forced to go on that journey, they decide to pretend it isn't there.

showcasing that gem within is a choice.

It's a practice too. 

Meaning, sometimes it's easy to go back to old habits. 

Do things the way you've always done them, even though you want to do them another way. 

Thought patterns that you always fall back to when hard times hit, even though you know it does't serve you any longer.

Life gets more beautiful when all of us can showcase more of the gems that we are.

MAY THIS WALLPAPER SPARK THE FIRE WITHIN TO CHOOSE YOUR BEAUTIFUL SELF

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Not Perfect, Whole

Building A Door

When You Want To Start Over 

Wearing Crowns 

It used to be all about MY birthday.

(October is birthday month in my house.)

Then I went and ruined it by having a baby in October so...it's all about Indigo's birthday right now. Actually we've been counting down since August. #MumLife

Birthdays for me is always a time of looking back at the past year.  

If you've been following me on Instagram - you may have heard.  

Big things happened and now I'm in a season of rest. Not by choice. But it's something my body, soul and heart needs.

It's something I hope to share with you in the future, but right now, I'm still very much IN the forest. (so apologies for the vague mysterious sharing, but for now I'm resting in my privacy)

(these wallpapers are available in the Insider library exclusively for insider members - please sign up here to gain access. Join today as older editions are removed when new artwork is released every month)

Incidentally, as much as I'm retreating within to be alone and to heal - I've been surprised to rediscover that I'm surrounded by loving friends and family. I'm well supported and I thank you for all the love!

So this season of rest, as I'm taking gentle steps with myself. I'm reminded again and again that it's the small things that make up the great big things. 

I'm still creating - I have a couple projects that I want to finish before 2016 ends. Drawings to finish, paintings are calling from the canvas and a drawing workshop to create. (I'll email you details to learn more soon!)

I'm still in my studio and my schedule is still the same.

The difference?

I'm consciously being gentle, in flow and taking my sweet time.

When I'm feeling the urge to hustle and work work work (cos... hello! This mama ain't got time to waste!) -- this quote reminds me to slow down.

It reminds me that there IS power in the small things to add up to the big things. Big moments that I'm dreaming of are created one baby step at a time.

(You can see that my new paintings have a lot of intricate details and linework that relates to this -- step by step, small marks add up to create a huge impact and visual texture)

MAY THIS WALLPAPER ENCOURAGE YOU TO TAKE THE STEPS YOU NEED TO TAKE TO CREATE YOUR GREAT THING. BIG OR SMALL.

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Not Perfect, Whole

Building A Door

When You Want To Start Over 

Wearing Crowns 

Ever feel like you're chasing after something -  hard

Feeling like you just know that once you get it, you'll be able to relax. be satisfied. feel happy. complete. 

Yet, when you get there. Nope. not quite. close but not quite. 

Something else is still missing.

Everything falls apart.

We all make that mistake sometimes. (sometimes, all the time)

Thinking that if we go ALL OUT in one area of our life - work. family. goals. etc... That if we just get perfect in that one thing.

It will all be fabulous.

It will all turn out for the best.

Only then, you'll focus on the other balls you've dropped. 

It doesn't always work out that way hey?

Balance is like walking.

Balance for me isn't about staying still - gaining that equilibrium of having two sides being even and so there is no tipping. 

There will be times where you're putting all your weight (& effort) on one foot(like work-deadlines), while 'letting go' of the other leg (like family time-relationships) and then you step that leg down again.

Then your focus becomes on relationships/family time again. 

That's how you keep moving forward & stay balanced. 

Staying on one leg, putting all your weight and focus on it for too long?

that's how you fall.

We make the mistake of thinking that by going after perfection in something - it will give us something we desire back.

Yet that comes at the expense of so much - and it still isn't the answer. You don't get what you wanted. No, what you wanted isn't a sense of achievement. Or satisfaction at a job well done. Or even a sense of revenge to show those who said you couldn't do it.

You don't get that true sense of contentment and joy that you're ultimately looking for. 

(these wallpapers are available in the Insider library exclusively for insider members - please sign up here to gain access. Join today as older editions are removed when new artwork is released every month)

We need to be whole

That's where that search for the sense of peace and joy comes from.

We have so many different elements that make our lives whole.

Family. Love. Relationships. Friends. Health. Work. Service. Fun. 

these are things that give our lives meaning and purpose. 

I think that we go after perfection in order to feel that sense of wholeness. 

That's such a waste.

You can pursue the wholeness directly. 

Know what you need in your life - in all areas. (See the list above) 

And pursue them with all the energy and to the best of your ability. Not pushing too hard - but definitely with focus.

While keeping an eye on the bigger picture of making sure they are all being looked after.

Don't wait until you drop the ball - Know which foot you're leaning on, accept it.

BUT don't stay there too long.

Look after the other areas of your life that you KNOW you need in your life. Put in the time and energy into them. 

That's how you get the balance you need, keep moving forward and find that sense of joy in wholeness you've been searching for this whole time.

MAY THIS MONTH'S WALLPAPER BE A SOURCE OF ENCOURAGEMENT AND INSPIRATION FOR WHAT YOU SEEK.

x Brenda

p.s My next project is an Intentional Art online workshop.

If you LOVE my abstract drawings and would be interested in learning about mindfulness & meditations with pen and paper.

Using my drawing style - not just sitting still for ages (I'm too figety & aint' got time for that too!)
All from the comfort of your own home >> Sign up to the mailing list here or fill in the form below

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Not Perfect, Whole

Building A Door

When You Want To Start Over 

Wearing Crowns

Install Day was messy but exciting! 

Thank you to everyone who came to my opening night!

I had to take really quick photos before the room got too crowded again. Then I got too busy talking to people to take photos of the actual people! Lesson learnt.

You can see all the paintings virtually here: Soul Blossom Exhibition

and pick your favourites to bring home with you!

x Brenda

Do I say this every time?

There is such impact and resonance in my heart when I pick these words to create wallpapers from.

Yet when I sit down to attempt to articulate what it was that made me feel like sharing this? 

*blank*

Let me try again

MERCY.

Here I mean (and the bible passage too):

compassion and/or forgiveness that you show towards someone 

The dictionary says:

MERCY

ˈməːsi/ 
noun 

• compassion or forgiveness shown towards someone whom it is within one's power to punish or harm. 

"within one’s power to punish or harm” 

I think that power is important. 

Yes there is the mercy that’s more about a kind of relief from suffering. 

• an event to be grateful for, because it prevents something unpleasant or provides relief from suffering

That power? Means a choice. Show mercy, or judgement. 
Which biblically meant the kind of judgement in a legal perspective. 
Here is the line. Did you cross that line? 
No? Then go on your way. 
Yes? Here is the punishment. 
And it was fair and justified punishment. 

Not, random angry, spiteful punishment. 

*distract self by making a hot milo* *keep finding more distractions* 

You know what I resisted writing about for this quote? 

Self-criticism and self-love. It felt too… I dunno, obvious? Nobody wants to be obvious right? 

Then I got all shitty with myself 

can’t you be more original? give a different perspective? Isn’t that what an Artist does? Question the status quo, rock the boat? 

Then I got more shitty cos, you know, now that I’m on a roll I might as well… 

what do you know about self-care, self-love? 
Are you a coach now? 
when was the last time you showed yourself some love? You know, like exercised, drank enough water, had enough sleep and ate the recommended amount of veggies?  Ummm too long? 
You and I know that little muffin top is there even under all the layers you’re conveniently wearing cos it’s so cold this winter. 

Oh yeah! Harsh much? 

(these wallpapers are available in the insider library exclusively for insider members - please sign up at the bottom of this article to gain access. join today as older editions are removed when new artwork is released every month)

thing is, there is a place for a bit of ‘judgement’ 

In order to improve at something, and I'm a total lover of self-improvement/self-help, you need to know where you are. 
See the gap between that and where you want to be. Then evaluating whether your practice is adequate in getting you there. 

But when was the last time you could make huge leaps in getting to where you want to be through harsh criticism only all the way?

You know that self-care is self-love, as Ru Paul says.

IF YOU CAN'T LOVE YOURSELF, HOW IN THE HELL ARE YOU GOIN' TO LOVE SOMEBODY ELSE?

Amen? Amen!

So no, I don’t really have that much to  say about self-love, self critics and self-care. that you haven’t heard. I do want to share more, and I’ll aim to do so in the future. But with a deadline looming. I’m showing myself some mercy and releasing what’s here.

So please. 
Just, take this as another reminder. If you need it. I know I obviously do. 

show some kindness

ESPECIALLY when you have the power & are totally justified in getting your Judge Judy on all over someone.

ESPECIALLY if that someone is yourself. 

The judgement may be totally justified.

You set your own rules, because you know in your heart it will help you be the person you want to be. 

Just take the lesson you need, then dig deep for a drop of mercy & wrap yourself in kindness. You’ll find that it’s easier to pick yourself up and keep going. Plus, you’ll find so much more clarity for where to improve when you move past the heavy clouds of judgement into sweet, sweet rains of mercy. 

mercy triumphs over judgement

MAY YOU FIND FREEDOM IN SWEET MERCIES FOR ANY HEAVY JUDGEMENT THAT IS KEEPING YOU CHAINED

x Brenda

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Building A Door

When You Want To Start Over 

Wearing Crowns 

Finding the Beauty in You

IF OPPORTUNITY DOESN'T KNOCK, BUILD A DOOR

I have this dream.

One day, while I'm out running errands I would check my email before I start the car to go home (as I do - it's my little break for 2 minutes!)

And there it would be!

'Congratulations! You've been selected .....'

'Congratultaions! Oprah loves your work....'

my dream is a bit fuzzy about the details - but generally it would be a random miracle that gives me an opportunity to become 'famous and successful'

I don't even know what that 'famous & successful' is suppose to mean in the dream.

Sometimes it's just about winning some random lottery (even though I don't buy tickets or join competitions).

Sometimes it's an email about getting interviewed with Oprah (even though she doesn't have her Oprah show anymore).

Sometimes it's about someone super famous (who exactly? I have no idea) who wants to buy ALL my paintings and wants to feature me on tv (or something equally outrageous - I don't know if I want to be on tv!)

The thing about all these fantasies is that, well..

they are all fantasies.

And like all fantasies - they don't require me to do anything, work at anything and YET. Somehow. Magically, I will be showered in love and success. 

The other thing is, there isn't proper details. Details that would - you know - BE REQUIRED if it was ever to be a reality.

And speaking of reality, how exactly do you win something when you never enter the competition?

How can you win a game you're not playing?

(These wallpapers are available in the Insider Library exclusively for Insider members - please sign up at the bottom of this article to gain access. Join today as older editions are removed when new artwork is released every month)
 

I've been thinking alot lately of something I read.

you are, where you are, because of the decisions you made 90 days ago. 

I am where I am today, because of the seeds I planted 60, 90, 180 days ago.

Where I am going to BE in 60, 90, 180 days from now, will be because of the seeds I plant TODAY. 

HOW DOES THAT MAKE YOU FEEL? 

I know for me, it felt simultaneously hopeful and depressing at the same time.

I am fully responsible for getting what I want in my life! The joy of that ability! The gratitude for the opportunity to hope, strive AND achieve my dreams!

At the same time.

OMG - I. Am. Fully. Responsible. for not being where I would like to be right now. It's not the magically fairy's fault for forgetting to drop that magic miracle opportunity on my lap.

i can't enjoy any fruits today because i didn't plant the seed yesterday.

This is why I really resonated with this month's wallpaper quote. 

Oh believe me! I do believe that luck and opportunities do come knocking and drop by out of the blue.

Being at the right place, at the right time, knowing the right people - call all be pieces that fall into place to get your DING DING DING BINGO!

At the same time, I like how the quote says: Build - a door. 
Not, 'find' another door. Or 'pray' for a door.

Build is an action word. It requires work. It suggests that you STILL wait for opportunity to knock, but you're just increasing your odds by doing something proactive.

By actually creating something for opportunity to enter. Actually enter that game you would like to win! Actually create the space for what you want to have.

be prepared to actually receive it!

I like that the power & control is still available for my own hands. Rather than sitting passively, waiting for 'my turn' or wondering why I'm the 'victim of fate' or it's 'not meant to be'

It's so easy to blame someone or something else hey? 

You end up forgetting that, maybe, opportunity wants to come by, but there isn't any doors for her to knock?

Is there something you're waiting for? Or wishing for? But without the details of how you can make it a reality?

Maybe it's a dream job, or business you want to start.

Maybe it's a family holiday or weekend getaway you want to take.

Maybe it's finally finishing that home project so you can invite friends over for a big dinner party.

Maybe you just want to get a new hair cut and buy clothes that ACTUALLY fit YOU-today, rather than the you-from-5-years-ago.

Or having that difficult conversation over with so you can finally repair the relationship and create a new level of intimacy with a loved one. 

Is there a way you could begin building a door in preparation for opportunity to knock?

WHAT SMALL SEED COULD YOU PLANT TODAY - THAT WILL LEAD TO THE LIFE YOU WOULD LIKE IN 90 DAYS TIME?

x Brenda

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You may also enjoy what I shared for these wallpaper artwork:

When You Want To Start Over

Wearing Crowns

Finding the Beauty in You

My makeshift office at the library today. It helps to write words when I have the pressure of an unplugged laptop - the battery doesn't wait for procrastination!

New wallpapers released in the Insider Library! One to inspire you to keep going when you just want to scrap the whole thing and start over.

Read my blog post for this artwork  - When you want to start over

Access the Insider Library to download this artwork

Visiting the shopping centre Eastland new section opening to see the colourful murals by the artist Bromley who inspires my art with his use of bold colours and carving out his iconic figures. (I asked Indigo to smile for the camera but she insisted on posing like this - #futuremodel)

Are you an Insider member? This Mother print is available for free as a high-res printable poster in my Insider Library

I made this while reflecting on all the mum models in my life and how I hope to be for my little one.

New Monday new start to the week - and the smug face (& awkward smile) of someone who just worked out the next phase of the painting behind me. 

works in progress - zoom zoom close up

When you have one of those days - where you just want to scrap the whole thing and not bother  Remember the faith you had at the beginning and just pause for a breath, regroup, re-evaluate & return to work.

Local friends! Come check out my new paintings at my favourite cafe Barclays in Heathmont. Paintings available for purchase:

Left: Journey into your inner Cosmos

Right: Waiting in Gentleness

really feeling these small details as texture - work in progress

Shop Studio Pouches. Just quietly - this one is my favourite :)

Juggling mamahood and work means finding a way to snuggle a sick bubba while keeping up with commission deadlines. Indigo has had a good run of good health this whole year. So it struck us both a bit hard when she came down with the flu that became a mild form of croup. It took my whole week out of schedule, but I was grateful that I could be home and focus on her the whole week.

This wallpaper was so perfect for my feeling the need for rest after a long week of juggling sick bubba and everything else.

It was so good to get out for a little family outing after being house bound from illness.

Finding lots of inspired corners and adventure on our impromptu family day out

You can also Shop Throw Pillows - a budget friendly way to add colour to your home

Blues & whites on raw linen - works in progress

I went away for a weekend to Tasmania. Finding joy in spending time with a girlfriend and enjoying all of God's beautiful creation clear blue sky crisp Tassie air & eating. Lots of eating. 

I'm currently playing with snapchat - find random updates & true sneak peeks without the angst of perfection! Find me as - @brendamangalore

All the #sketchbookstudies2016 for May

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You may also enjoy these visual journals:

Visual Journal: Works in progress & family fun

Visual Journal: Patterns, Works in Progress And Cute Smiles

Visual Journal: Double Trouble + Desire Mapping and Sketchbook Studies

DON'T DIG UP IN DOUBT WHAT YOU PLANTED IN FAITH

I'm sitting here in front of my computer and willing the words to come.

I'm not even asking for it to flow super articulately or poetically.

Just come forth and make a tiny bit of sense. Something simple but enlightening.

Maybe a little bit entertaining. 

Something just remotely related to this beautiful quote I found and created this wallpaper before I could question what I was going to write about it.

But all that comes is little spurts of random rubbish. 

Not like "oh, look at that beautiful messy image of life!" No. Just random bits that really is of no value to me nor to you. (just typing URGHHHHHH... wasn't very helpful)

so i contemplated not saying anything.

I'll just not bother. Scrap the whole thing. Start over some other day. Or even better, start something new instead. 

I have plenty of new ideas and projects to pick from.

plus there is laundry to do.

Now I’m suppose to share some insightful process to get my mojo back. Some ritual maybe, or a practice to regain some energy and renew my creative well.

The thing is there won’t be anything new that you wouldn’t have heard of or tried yourself. And tactics here isn’t the point.

I want to talk about that moment when it feels like:

the best idea is to just scrap the whole thing.

You suck, the thing you’re creating sucks and really why bother when you WILL NEVER MAKE ANYTHING AMAZING EVER AGAIN.

OK -- while you may not be as dramatic as that little voice in my head, I know that doubt for everyone can truly make you believe it’s better to stop.

To give up.

To go back to what is safe, known and routine.

It works, it always works that way. Why change? Why make it so hard? Go the easy route

Be grateful and stop wishing for things you can’t have.

this is the moment when you need to just pause.

Pausing is different to stopping.

Stopping means forever and going on a different lane. Never going back. 

Pause means, temporarily stopping for a rest. Pause might mean turning in a slightly different direction.

Even if you take a break and work on something completely different (a totally great way to renew mojo by the way), pausing means you leave a window open so you can STILL go back to it later. 

(These wallpapers are available in the Insider Library exclusively for Insider members - please sign up at the bottom of this article to gain access. Join today as older editions are archived when new artwork is released every month)

Elisabeth Elliot

A quick google search on Elisabeth Elliot turned up some fascinating stories. As a woman of faith, she faced a lot of hardships. 

Culturally. As a missionary. Emotionally and I imagine she may have struggled with her faith when her first husband was killed - and she continued her missionary work with the peoples who murdered her husband

talk about faith!

Sometimes, we lose sight of the bigger picture that God has called us to do. Especially when something happens that throws us out of sync.

With the size of the universe, we are so small. Sometimes that bigger picture is just SO overwhelmingly big.

things go wrong. challenges come up.

bad shit happens.

We focus on our weak human abilities and see how woefully inadequate we are. Not on the divine strength and genius that God is. We see instead, the huge ass mountain that lays infront of us.

I get how much easier it would be to just scrap the whole thing. I mean, why bother?

also, we’re just plain impatient. 

Does this sound familiar?

I planted the seed, where is my fr-eaking oak tree dammit?! I worked my little fingers to the bone! I waited like a WHOLE DAY.

This is the moment I tend to think, maybe I should just dig up that seed. 
Even that little sapling that just came out. It's obviously not working. Something is wrong. I must have done it wrong. 

Maybe it's the wrong seed. 

Maybe I'm the wrong person.

I should rethink the whole project. Rethink my whole strategy. My whole life!

Oh wait, what’s that saying? Something about noticing what the feeling is behind the voice that is calling for change.

IS IT FEAR?

This feels tight, anxious, impatient and has a critical tone that tells you that you suck and all is hopeless. Requests to change is more about protecting yourself out of fear and to stop your growth. 

OR IS IT LOVE?

This feels like compassion and kindness. It feels spacious, a place where you are held. This voice may be lovingly telling you to change because it’s not aligned with your big picture goals. It may even be a loving ass-kicking to keep going - but you can feel the love behind that intention to push you forward. 

that's what you have to remember!
the big picture goal.

What is it? That purpose you were called to fulfil?

This moment is when you need to remember that feeling you had when the energy was high and you planted that seed in faith.

Faith in God who gave you that calling, that big picture vision. Faith in the process, in the higher power who has your back and will show you/give you a way out. A way forward.

You wouldn't have been given this vision, this higher calling otherwise. God isn't a tease.

It might not look exactly the way you imagined, but doors will be opened in the direction you need to go to create that vision.

don’t be fooled by doubt. 

Doubt is just fear dressed up as logic and rational ‘reasonable’ thinking.

Take a break if you must because the journey might be long.

It definitely won’t be easy.

But don’t let fear sidetrack you into thinking your doubt is protection and you should stop.

Just pause. Listen to the quiet voice of hope and love.

Do you just need to be kind to yourself?

Maybe you need to surrender something in order to allow something different to come in.

Maybe you actually just need to take a break and come back to this a bit later.
So you don’t taint the delicate beauty of it with your doubt.

Maybe you’ll need to just give it one last push. 
Go all in and you’ll find breakthrough on the other side.

Ass-kicking accountability or gentle leading for rest. Both can be given with love.

Know which you need and keep going.

Connect with your heart. With your fear too - there is as much to learn from fear as from love.

And just start typing - the words will come. Begin from a place of love

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You may also enjoy what I shared for these wallpaper artwork:

Wearing Crowns

Finding the Beauty in You 

Celebrating 6 years (& a week - better late than never!) It's been a rollercoaster ride of highs and lows but always full of love and laughs. 💖 We're so much better together 💖

planning an exhibition isn't all colours and rainbows. (save the date for September 2nd!)
Sometimes it's just lots of numbers and scribbling

New wallpapers released in the Insider Library. It's gorgeous as usual but the quote - a challenge. Something I had to share. You can read my thoughts on this about Wearing Crowns

Family Fun Day at the Andy Warhol & Ai Wei Wei exhibition at the NGV

When your toddler volunteers to take a photo of you in front of Ai Wei Wei's installation.

You are amazing. I know you are. Because you’re like me! (LOL #noseriously) 
We are multiple things in this season of our lives. Wife. Mother. Entrepreneur. Sister. Artist. Wannabe something. TV watcher. Changing the world-person. 
You’ve learnt a lot so far in this life journey. You’ve got some wisdom. you’re probably sharing some of that with those who are where you were a few years back. You know yourself better. You know what you need as a daily practice, mindfulness practice, just plain having fun practice, - to really thrive and enjoy life. 
You look around you, your life, your loved ones, your beautiful home. It’s not perfect, no one is asking for that. But you feel immensely grateful. 
You’re so blessed! You want more, yes, no denying that. But in all honesty - you’re pretty happy. Life is amazing. 
And yet sometimes, you feel just a little bit trapped. A little bit tired. 💖

I’m still in the midst of art painting, creating and planning. Did I tell you I have a solo exhibition coming up in September! (I’ll be able to share more details as I organise ALL.THE.THINGS as the time gets closer.)
This has meant, not only losing myself into paints and colours, but also planning out all the logistics, supplies and admin that comes with producing an exhibition. 💖💖
In short, I have been ‘losing myself’ in the work. But still practicing a lot of relaxing days (aka. lazy days where I create space to relax but then feel guilty at the lack of ‘productivity') 💖
I’ve also been having spurts of mad activity where I blink and 5 hours have gone by in a frenzy of work, painting, emails, writing, planning. Those moments kinda feel good too. I go to bed totally exhausted but immensely satisfied at the long list of To Dos crossed off.
💖💖💖💖💖
Which lead to this wallpaper above. 
To be honest, it took me a while to articulate what it is that resonated with me. I saw the quote and felt instantly I had to share it with you. 
But when it came time to write down my thoughts on what it means to me on the blog? TOTAL STRUGGLE TOWN.

Anyway, it was appropriate because what came out was about self-compassion. — Wearing Crowns << Click Here to read about this wallpaper 

from the archives - a mini painting. It's nice to see how far I have come but also my love of little dot details and leaf inspired shapes still remains. 

Oh what beautiful mess! The layers underneath you don't usually get to see. The #messymiddle of the creative process for me is sometimes in the middle but also near the start and right before the end too.

Mini painting (detail) Purple rarely comes up during my painting sessions but when it does it's a touch of magic

mini painting detail. creating pockets to encourage focus on small areas -- in order to anchor you (& me) from the overwhelms of colours and chaos.

I'm one of those no-such-thing-as-too-many-cushions kinda girl. You too? My artwork on throw pillows in my redbubble shop is just lovely! 

You can also shop for colourful notebooks too

Mini painting (Detail) work in progress - Inspired by my quick #sketchbookstudies2016 (see all of them for this month below)

In between painting sessions I procrastinate with some doodle drawings for some new designs 

Who is that young thing?! Hard to believe this was 5 years ago when I painted 30 paintings during winter for my first solo exhibition. My exhausted (but happy!) face says it all.

It's all in the detail... new small works in progress

Starting a new piece means fun mess and no overthinking. Just Start!

excuse me while my heart explodes with love for my two babies.  they both teach me about creativity - one with ways to get away with getting treats the other with negotiations for more treats. I'm learning!

All the #sketchbookstudies2016 for April

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Wearing Crowns

Visual Journal: Patterns, Works in Progress And Cute Smiles

Finding the beauty in you

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you have one of those days?

Where you were just channeling Wonder Woman and you just flowed through the day KICKING ASS.

All those crossed off items on my to do list. Feels SOOO GOOD.

Juggling errands, house chores AND work projects? DONE

Your skin and hair looking shiny and healthy? HEY THERE GOOD - LOOKIN’

You wanted to buy something and when you went to check it out - IT WAS ON SALE! THANK YOU JESUS!

Also got your 45mins of exercise AND grabbed a green smoothie (ok.. a coffee, you caught me) on the way? DONE & DONE.

I love those days.

You realise just how amazing you are! You CAN do ALL. THE. THINGS

(ok, maybe not ALL the things. But almost all the things - enough to feel like you’re Captain Awesome, and not all like maybe you’re a robot)

The joy you feel when you just get into flow and go along on the ride.

The thing is… *cue ominous music*

These moments are not only something to boost my self-esteem (ok… really my ego)
but it can become a stick to beat myself up with when I'm NOT having one of those days.

Where’s wonder woman today? what’s wrong with you? WHERE IS THE CONSISTENCY? MAYBE THE AWESOME DAY WAS A FLUKE AND WILL NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN!

ok... breathe

Sometimes you can have TOO MUCH of a good thing. Maybe it’s an upper limit problem. Maybe you’re just a little burnt out. All are possible. There is a lot you can do to help you get out of that funk. 

That’s not what I’m talking about today.

What I’ve been thinking lately, is all the labels, assumptions and stories I hold on to about myself. This season of life I am in. There are limitations I have to embrace. I’ve had to do a lot of inner work to surrender into that embrace.

But you know what?

Sometimes that embrace turns into a death grip on a prison box of THIS IS JUST THE WAY IT IS. 

the embrace of the limitations didn’t bring freedom but more limitations. 

It made me blind to new open doors. Alternate ways of thinking. That sense of joy and flow that I want in my life. That you CAN have both when you surrender to the season of life you are in.

The crowns that I thought I had ‘earnt’ for myself, entitled to even. It can start to feel too tight.
Restrictive and a growing burden on my heavy shoulders. 
When I saw this quote - I realised, actually 

i don’t have to keep wearing it!

(These wallpapers were created exclusively for Insider members - Sign up to the Insider Library here ...it's FREE to join
You'll get access to artwork to make your screens / desktops beautiful and inspired spaces + get first dibs on specials and exclusive sneak peeks of artwork not shared anywhere else.)

Just because everyone else is patting you on the back about something - if you feel shit about it. 

Take it off.

Just because it’s what everyone else wishes they had and you should be grateful that YOU have it - if you know deep down you feel guilty about not jumping with joy about it?

TAKE IT OFF

Someone else’s jealousy isn’t your obligation, nor a great indicator of what will be your joy.

Gratitude is a beautiful thing and something that will bring immense joy into your life as a daily practice.

But if gratitude feels like an obligation, and just another chain that paralyses you?

First, check your attitude - do you just need to be gentle with yourself?

Sometimes it isn’t just a simple change of attitude - sometimes it means you’ll need to find the crown you’re holding on to and TAKE IT OFF.

Whatever your story is - I hope this artwork & quote will be the gentle voice (or even permission) you need to be kind to yourself and follow the joy.

may you find kindness & compassion in yourself, for yourself.

x Brenda

Close up detail of a work in progress. When you surrender to the process sometimes wings will randomly appear despite your best efforts otherwise - close up detail of a work in progress.
My focus is still on creating artwork intensely this month so I will have more artwork to share with you soon!

Another close up of works in progress in the studio. You should see the fine dust gold! I love/hate/love to hate the #MessyMiddle of the creative process

Yet another closeup of another works in progress. Pockets of revelation amongst the chaos

Gong Xi Fa Chai / Kung Hei Fat Choi!

My family celebrated Chinese New Year as we always do with a big gathering of extended family for a feast - food, loud chatting and children running around everywhere.

Happy Chinese New Year! also known as "Mummy I've already received my Ang Pow, we can go home now. I don't want to take pictures"

Three days after an intense Pilates class - I was still sore, but I still did some back breaking varnishing anyway. I went to bed very gingerly that night. Also wings! 

I want to try them all! Said while procrastinating at the art store... it's not just me right?

Find my art on a range of products in my redbubble shop like these studio pouches. If you're a bag within a handbag person like me - these are great for your lip balm, make up on the go essentials and pens so it's easy to find within your handbag.

Moody blues on the easel - I love documenting these little sections of works in progress. In this one - I was resisting the urge to keep adding and allowing the rawness to speak - a constant practice of less is more.

There are still layers of depth there too with lots of staring and introspection needed to surrender to the process.

Remembering the patterns and nature's beauty in Bali from our family trip last year. I'm really feeling the call to do lots of little repeat patterns within the chaos of my paintings. Keep an eye out for how this may manifest itself in my next body of work

Grabbing takeaway coffee and lunch at my favourite cafe and visiting these two lovelies at the same time. (both paintings are currently still available - See Hope Another Day and Waiting in Gentleness in the shop)

When we stood at the same place we said our vows (almost 6yrs now!) to celebrate a lovely friend's wedding - Also how good does my husband look? Getting hotter and more handsome as time goes by :)

All smiles for daddy - enjoying the last few weekends of summer

You can find inspiration anywhere - like patterns at your local shopping centre gardens.

Thinking back to when I still had black hair and tried to catch up on some drawing commissions with a toddler around. You do what you have to do! #whatwasithinking #workingmum

I'm discovering that having a focus developing better habits requires a certain devotion to both the task and the end result. It can look simple like 5 minute morning prayers/meditations.

A dedicated water bottle that helps reminds you to hydrate throughout the day. Just deciding your ONE goal for the next 90 days - then devoting your main energies to moving towards it.

What kind of devotion do you have in your life?

This drawing was created for a lovely UK client - a beautiful Limited Edition Originals Drawing. They are super affordable and perfect for birthday gifts to celebrate family and personal milestones >> Click Here to collaborate with me for your own meaningful Mantra word artwork

I shared this new painting while it was waiting for a title. It still needs a few more days for me to sit with it so I can confirm its finished.The little metallic details just don't translate onto screens but they are BEAUTIFUL if I do say so myself! 

(If she resonates with you, contact me and I'll put her aside for you!)

I ended a short but full month with a nourishing, mind-blowing, Ah-Ha's - filled, inspiring weekend at the Shining Academy Retreat in Canberra with Leonie Dawson and Grant Andrew. 

I was challenged to step outside of my comfort zone, and let go of what wasn't working in my business. I also had to put aside my hermit/introvert self to make connections with other creative and ambitious souls. 

I came home with a head full of fire to do the work I feel called to do. #shiningacademy

I'm finding some fun and relaxing into a sense of play with these #sketchbookstudies2016

That's all for this Visual Journal update! You can always connect with my updates on Instagram or for exclusive news and free gifts, (if you haven't already) Sign up as an Insider member below

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How was your love month? Did you get the chance to reflect on last month’s wallpaper about the first duty of love is to listen?

Me? well, in my perfect life where everything ALWAYS GOES TO PLAN…..

Let’s see - I always listen to my better self, and eat healthily. No biscuits or sugary treats. 

Have loving, gentle conversations only with my toddler and husband. finish off my to do list early and enjoy a hot cup of tea after an afternoon walk. 

Making dinner from scratch - the healthy kind not just cheese on toast. Daily green smoothies and meditation practice. 

Read a good book before bed. Sleeping early for a restful night and waking up with perfect hair and skin - no need for makeup for this perfect princess! 

ummm.. no

#inmydreamsmaybe
No. 
No.
No.

That does not happen. I want that to happen. I even intend for some of that to happen. But wanting and intentions only go so far. 

So last few weeks I have been really feeling the quote above.

"Art enables us to find ourselves and lose ourselves at the same time" - Thomas Merton

In real life, I have been in a creation bubble and don’t see myself coming out of that anytime soon for at least a few more weeks. 

That means I’m in deep thought 80% of the time. Coming back into the present to do mum things and house chores and actually… you know.. eat food, sleep and all those human needs - Sometimes isn’t done in the most optimal way. 

Plus I’m juggling all the ideas jumping around in my head (I usually have 2-3 paintings on the go).

That means there has been days where I don’t leave the house and hardly move my body, but feel entirely exhausted at the end of the day. 

it means I have had to really tap into and listen to my intuition.

I’ve had to practice the balance of finding the painting that’s asking to be revealed and NOT losing myself in the process. Listening to the current painting that's on the easel and losing myself in that, but also pulling myself out of it to find myself again.

Listening to what I need outside of the studio. Listening to my body when it needs to be fed or needs a stretch. 

YOU KNOW WHAT ELSE?

I’ve found listening also requires asking the right questions. 

in asking the right questions, you can listen to the wisdom and find the answers that deep down you were really looking for. 

ONTO THE NEW WALLPAPER FOR THIS MONTH!    

(These wallpapers were created exclusively for Insider members - Sign up to the Insider Library here ...it's FREE to join
You'll get access to artwork to make your screens / desktops beautiful and inspired spaces + get first dibs on specials and exclusive sneak peeks of artwork not shared anywhere else.)

So, I’ve really been losing myself into my work and into my art. And as always when I get into flow, I’ve been asking questions. Not just technical questions, like what colour is next? What else does this composition need? How can I make it feel like this? Which brush will give me the effect I’m after?

But also asking the hard questions - what am I trying to say? What are you (the painting) trying to say? Why am I resisting working on this area? What is it that I’m really avoiding looking at? 

These questions lead me to create a better painting. But questions also leads to a process of discovery, or recovery depending on how you look at it. 

A journey of finding myself.  Of learning more about myself, what I need as well as what my art needs to thrive.

learning to ask the right questions also helps me lean further into finding my voice. 

Helping me discover and articulate (in paint at least) what I’m trying to really say in this new collection of works.
 
Sometimes I wish I knew exactly what the end result will look like and all the steps in how I will get there. 

Doing it this way, just going with the flow, embracing the discomfort of the unknown and asking the hard questions — requires a lot of faith in the process. 

It requires immense courage to be honest! 

Courage to be ok with what you find. Trusting that digging through all the hard questions and bringing up all the yucky stuff (which is bound to happen when you start digging) - will eventually lead to the gold that will make it all worthwhile.

THAT’S MY HOPE FOR MY ART.

To first be an anchor in your spaces for your own self-expression AND two, serves as a mirror to reflect and connect with yourself and help you uncover the gold in your journey.

Not only just something pretty to look at - (still definitely important to me too). 

I want my art to be a way for you to lose yourself in the art and at the same time, find yourself too.

This is why I love asking you what you see in your favourite pieces, especially from clients who choose to take one home with them.
The stories, their gold that they see reflect back to them especially as they live with it and grows with them. It’s endlessly fascinating and keeps me digging through the unknown. 

So keep telling me!(either email me or find me on Instagram)

keep looking deeper into the art you love! 

Don’t just keep it on your screens either!

Invest in art for your spaces so it can be a daily practice and part of your life.  (whether it’s mine *hint! hint!* or not!)

Lose yourself and see what gold is reflecting back to you. 

MAY YOU FIND AND LOSE YOURSELF IN BEAUTIFUL ART THAT REFLECTS BACK TO YOU, A REMINDER OF THE GOLDEN BEAUTY OF YOU.

x Brenda

One of my favourite pieces of Ai Wei Wei -- Contemporary Chinese Artist at an exhibition at the NGV along with Andy Warhol. 

Personally, I'm not a fan of Andy Warhol's work - I admire his concepts and ambition but concept artwork are usually hit and miss with me. 

Ai Wei Wei's work was a total hit for me. Loved his thinking and concepts and amazing execution of it too. 

You cannot underestimate the power of a properly and beautifully curated exhibition to help you gain a better insight and overview of an artist's work and story.

Tapping into the tranquil memories of my Bali trip for inspiration. 

Travelling with a toddler has it's issues (another story for another time) but I really loved the abundance of flowers - the patterns and colours. Lots of elements that will very likely make it's way into my artwork.

I don't post alot of selfies - a bit of shyness and just lazyness really.

So this was just a peek behind the scenes - drinking my much needed coffee on my fornightly Friday FUNDAY I'm committed this year to practice (just before my impromptu hairdresser appointment too!)

Nothing like a new hair cut and colour to make me feel PREEETY! (plus like NO filters! Kidding! more like a billion filters but I feel good so that's what counts! And I posted it online like it's something I like totally do everyday - #not) 

Also, Double Trouble - also known as, A trick to cover up ugly selfie arms. 

Attending one of my business mastermind girlfriend's (Yogamona - Life Coach and spiritual mentor + amazing range of yoga gear)first workshop of the year - going through the infamous Desire Map by Danielle LaPorte. 

I've gone through the exercise before, but it was different dedicating a whole day to working through what my desires are for the year & for my life where I am at right now. It was a lovely intimate group that connected quickly over sharing vulnerabilities and laughs. 

The surprise for me? Getting 5 words that will be my anchors to working out my goals, next steps and just set the tone for how I want to live my life. 

 My words are: Blessed. Beautiful. Empowered. Flow. Fulfilled
I do want to talk more about this, remind me to put this on my blogging schedule hey?

At that same workshop above, I randomly met a client that had bought four of my Adopt a Spiral original drawings.

It was such a nice connection, so glad you actually told me Laura! I would have gone home not knowing you were there! Yay for lovely client meetings face to face!

Speaking of Adopt a Spirals - The inspiration behind them came from my sketchbook studies from 2015. 
This time, I'm taking it easy with my 2016 sketchbook studies. #sketchbookstudies2016 << imaginative hastag hey? 

These are little pockets of ideas that will no doubt translate into my paintings.

Plus they are exercises in connecting with my intuition for Adopt a Spiral artwork - adopt your own original drawing because these were created to help you add to your art collection at a super affordable price. 

Assisting Master artist Indigo in my studio today - she is doing her Straight Line series
(I suggested some circles or gestural lines but was shot down pretty quickly)

#howtoentertaintoddlers #toddlerlife 

This kept her busy for a good 45minutes which would have to be some kind of toddler attention span record I reckon!

Loving my new Radical Yes Leopard print shoes! I no longer wear heels - I like the look of them but never felt it worth the effort and pain. So I am rocking the flats and exploring where I can go with that without giving up the beauty. Comfortable AND beautiful shoes forever!

While procrastinating on work at my local library - I took photos of my shoes, even when the the cafe patrons next door were staring. 

Girl's got to update her instagram thank you! 

(I want to say my patchy ankles are thanks to filters -- but I would be lying. Winter and lack of hanging out in the sunshine makes for sad, pale skin! No judgement please!)

I love doing these little mantra words - this lovely client wanted the word Devotion. 

Funnily enough, it's been a word I've been seeing around me lately -maybe a calling to bring more devotion into my life. 

Even in small ways - one of the surprising calls during my practice to be still and listen to that small voice? To devote myself to making my bed every morning.

*roll my eyes* 

Weird I know right? I can't say I'm doing it very well, but there is something to be said about having one small practice of devotion to set the tone for the day. Something about controlling one discipline, one small act that can ripple out into other actions in your life.

Post office day! Sending off another Limited Original drawing for a client in the UK! <3 I love being connected to people around the world by art and beauty (& of course, awesome technology) 
Something about packaging actual old-school snail mail feels extra special as well. 

p.s Limited Edition Originals are super affordable and perfect for Valentine's Day gifts >> Click Here to Check it out

That's all for this Visual Journal update! You can always connect with my updates on Instagram or for exclusive news and free gifts, (if you haven't already) Join the insider list below

WELCOME TO LOVE MONTH!

First I want to say - I am NOT a sucker for marketing and manufactured promotions... 

Yes, maybe it's the remnants of working for a greeting cards company back in the day...

But February is LOVE month. 

For me I just like an excuse for a clean slate again! 
January can be a bit slow going, especially after the holidays. Plus Chinese New Year is February 8th this year - so more eating for my family and a good excuse for another New Year beginnings.

If you need another do over - February can be your clean slate again. :)

Do you think of February as LOVE month? What does that bring up for you?

Ok, forget LOVE month in a Valentine’s Day kind of way. 

let’s treat february as the month you really get going on what you love

All the good intentions (and to be honest, high and unrealistic expectations) set in January starts to fall away by February. 

You start to see what you can realistically achieve, what you actually remember to priorities. 

Where the resistance and obstacles are in your journey. The steps you'll need to build those new habits that the 'new you' WILL DOto create the life you love in 2016. 

ok... stay with me here… i want you think of it this way. 

In the end, our goals and desires all come down to love. In one way or another, we are all seeking to be loved and to love. 

To do what we love, to be with those we love, to be surrounded by what you love - all to create a life of joy, happiness and … well yeah! LOVE

When we have conflict with another person, when miscommunication happens - it’s usually because one party didn’t feel heard, or seen. And thus not understood. We all want to be loved!

In order to help us have more love in our lives - one of the first things we have to do is to listen. 

Listen to the other person without any agenda. To really see and hear their heart

to listen is to connect.

Also listen to yourself - knowing the difference between the voice of your ego, and the voice that loves you and believes in you.

Your higher self, Holy Spirit or your soulful intuition

The term doesn’t matter here. You know deep down what that voice sounds like. 

are you allowing space and stillness to listen?

This kind of listening sometimes requires stepping outside your comfort zone. Stepping into a weird grey area and letting go of baggage. And really just getting really still. 

Get quiet and really still. Allow that little voice to speak. THEN actually listen to it. 

Only then can you also connect with yourself and get going on creating that life you love. 

Because that voice? Usually has something awesome and wise and usually surprisingly simple but profound to say to you. 

Caveat: This is always in a good loving way. 
If at any point that voice says something that makes you feel less than, suggests anything sinister or against your values like hurting people or yourself… ignore that voice and get still again. 

As my mentor Jana Kingsford says - that voice that tells you you're not good enough and should just stop because you're a loser? 

That voice is a terrorist and we DON'T negotiate with terrorists. 

Binge eating chocolate is SO not for your higher good. 

so get still and listen.

But Man!… that’s hard though right? I’m still trying to practice this. I made the mistake of thinking, vegging out in front of the tv was a way to be quiet and still. 

But no. there was no space to allow that little voice to speak. 

I always get too caught up in the story. How can you find your inner stories if you’re too busy following someone else? 

The same goes for Facebook. URGH! Don't get me started.

So when I finally did - it was uncomfortable to have no control over timing. To surrender to what could come up and not the exact thing that I want to come up. 

I’ve have lots of ideas and projects I want to achieve this year. 

But I’m also feeling the call to create space and surrender control. 

In order to practice this, it means I may have to surrender some ideas and projects for the dreaded - later. 

For this Type A, let me just say it’s a tad bit SUPER ANNOYING. 

*Deep breath*

Some of those projects though? have nothing to do with my business and more to do with my life. There was little notes of warning to not let go of the other pieces of my life puzzle. Surprising ideas too… Another story for another time!

One of those suggestions? 
This practice of writing these letters to you.
Posting my heart and thoughts on the blog.

Being vulnerable in sharing more than just the finished artwork.

But also the fragile, under layers and unfinished bits. The parts that normally gets tidied up and put away so it’s unseen at the end.

What if I come across as a crazy, rambling unprofessional person? what if everyone hates me and thinks I’m a loser? what if no one actually cares and I’m just wasting my time? what if it makes those people who kinda love now kinda hate me?

then i remembered - stay still and listen. don't negotiate with terrorists.

I want to create a space of my own - that I LOVE and can relax in. Where I can feel seen and heard without trying to be someone else. 

In turn, I'll gather a community of amazing people to allow them space to be seen and heard.
A circle of people I would LOVE to hang out with and meet in person, who know how to give love and compassion and gentleness. 

They wouldn’t laugh AT me.

Definitely WITH me, (will maybe at me with kindness). Especially with all the fumbling, rambling thoughts and ideas this imperfect girl will have. Plus we so LOVE to laugh. 

ONTO THE NEW WALLPAPER FOR THIS MONTH!    

(These wallpapers were created exclusively for Insider members - Sign up to the Insider Library here ...it's FREE to join
You'll get access to artwork to make your screens / desktops beautiful and inspired spaces + get first dibs on specials and studio news)

NEW WALLPAPER - THE FIRST DUTY OF LOVE IS TO LISTEN

So if I haven’t already, thank you for joining me.  Thank you for being part of this inner support circle. 

By reading, you're 'listening' to my story and sharing LOVE with me -- I don't take that for granted. 

You make my little corner of the internet a colourful and lovely place to hang out.I hope my artwork not only bring joy for your eyes but also for your heart.

may this wallpaper be a beacon to remind you of your capacity to love and listen, to connect with others and yourself.

x Brenda

p.s I visited the beautiful lady & collector of this month's original painting in her home. I'm clearly a better painter than photographer (those are new paintings in the corner I brought over for show and tell and didn't see to remove :P) 

How nice does Dreaming of Spring look standing so proudly in the living room? 

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“COURAGE IS THE MOST IMPORTANT OF ALL THE VIRTUES, BECAUSE WITHOUT COURAGE YOU CAN’T PRACTICE ANY OTHER VIRTUE CONSISTENTLY. YOU CAN PRACTICE ANY VIRTUE ERRATICALLY, BUT NOTHING CONSISTENTLY WITHOUT COURAGE.” – MAYA ANGELOU

The new year always conjures up lots of excitement at the potential of a fresh slate. The possibilities seem endless at the prospects of new and better life habits and goals and achievements. 

Needless to say I usually look forward with both excitement and nervousness. I can’t see everything that’s going to happen.
Hoping and wishing can only go so far. I can plan, but I don’t control much of anything except my thoughts. (which I’m not that great at controlling anyway… so that doesn’t say much).

Are you like that? What are your reactions to all the goal setting, habit forming or resolutions making that’s everywhere right now? 
Thinking of this year and all the usual hopes and dreams I have for every new year - lead me to think about the courage and persistence you need to take each baby step forward. Especially when there are set backs which inevitably occur when you are growing and learning.

My work involves a lot of… work & involvement with creativity. Working with it, begging the muse for more of it, working with it in an unusual way because you get inspired, because you are called to, because the problem requires it.

creativity is like a muscle that gets easier to access the more you use it.

It’s also like a skill in that, some aspects of it comes naturally to me, while others I have learnt through trial and error, through years of experience to hone and get better at expressing it. 

CREATIVITY IS PROBLEM SOLVING.

Creativity is working out a solution to problems that on the face of it can stump you. 

How do I express that sense of longing using paint and colour on a canvas? How do I fix this broken thing that just isn’t working with what i currently have? How do I change this toddler’s hugely messy nappy when I realise I forgot to pack enough wipes in the nappy bag?

It’s basically using different parts of your mind and soul to find bits of wisdom and memory -- along with a dash of experience -- to connect dots that need to be connected in a new way. In order to come to a destination that is the perfect place you’ve been looking for but didn’t know you were missing. 

Sometimes this is in a big way - like how iPhone’s changed the way we use phones, interact and the whole mobile experience now. Sometimes it’s in small but yet personally significant ways - like that toddler messy nappy situation. 

The thing is, I can talk about all the different angles and facets of this. (And I will over this year) We can have long and interesting discussions and conversations about what this means for you, for me and for our world (And I hope to create more opportunities for this in 2016) but one thing has to be understood. 

CREATIVITY IS IN THE DOING

Creativity isn’t just in the thinking. It’s also in the doing. The taking of that step towards testing out the idea, the baby step of asking the question out loud and seeing where the next dot to connect is. 
The investment in time and energy in going down a new path and seeing what comes out of it, whether 10 minutes or 10 days. 

All this requires the courage that Henry Matisse speaks of. 

Courage to step out from behind the safety of our minds and into the vulnerable arena. The courage to try something out and failing, but knowing you’ll have to try again because, well, you just have to. 
Courage to step forward and be a leader (of a community or just yourself) into a new world (even if it’s just new to you). 

The courage to surrender certain parts you don’t want to let go of, to focus on just ONE thing instead of the 2-3 other GOLDEN things that’s calling out to you. 

only with courage can you keep the persistence and consistency that you’ll need to keep practicing the habits you need to create the success you’re looking for.

You’ll need it to pick yourself up and see another connection you missed when you previously chose one path (with great courage!) that didn’t quite work out. 

CREATIVITY TAKES COURAGE

I created this wallpaper for the New Year in 2016, but it will serve as a gentle but loud reminder (kick in the ass) for all the things you (& really I mean me) want to do, create & be anytime of the year. 

Everything you see around you, all the new things you’ve learnt and all the goals you’ve achieved - in some way or another required a dose of creativity in making it happen. 

So don’t undervalue your own creativity, and don’t underestimate it. And don’t neglect the nurture of it either. That means flexing that courage muscle and feeding your creative well in your pursuit of your dreams. It's really the only way to do it properly - in full colour & joy. 

may your 2016 be filled with courage and creativity as well as all the laughs, joy and rainbows you’ll love and need, to be all your heart desires.

x Brenda

p.s Access to this new wallpaper is available in the members Insider Library (passwords are given in your email) Sign up HERE for membership...it's FREE

I was wrong. I thought that speaking (at the Inspired Women event a couple weeks back) was going to be just a bit of fun but not really relevant or anything special for my business. 

Turns out, I had alot to say, insight that alot of people found great value in AND I really enjoyed speaking! On a stage! Who would have thought?! (How great does my hair look?! Amazing photography by Fi Mims Photography) 

Speaking at the Inspired Women's event was magic. I felt in the flow and made new connections with the amazing audience, especially during the Q&A panel after my talk. 

Then, literally as I came off the stage I sold the top painting I had displayed! (to use as a prop for my talk) "Courageous Surrender" was the perfect example of meeting it's perfect forever home at the right time. 
I hadn't even finish painting the sides yet! 

It was the final sign that confirmed the magic I felt in the air.  

The previous day was spent truly connected with my mastermind business soul sisters. There is just something magic about gathering with a collection of women who are working on similar goals and dreams for their life and biz. 

If you've never experienced the power of a mastermind, I highly recommend you get yourself into one to truly see growth and insight + be supported in a way that well-meaning family and friends just can't quite achieve. 

THANK YOU SO MUCH TO THOSE OF YOU WHO CAME BY!

new wallpaper - virtue of work & rest 

After the talk, I came home to a pile of work that had accumulated from clearing my schedule to prep for a full mastermind day and participate in the event the day after. 

Add on top of that a few days of Indigo not sleeping well, home to-dos that needed done before we leave on holiday - I was feeling the intensity of the pressure. This quote was the anchor and light through the potential overwhelm that was approaching. 

"There is virtue in work, and there is virtue in rest.
Use Both and overlook neither"

~ Alan Cohen 

I took almost a whole week off after the event day to allow my mind, body and soul to really absorb the magic of the two days and percolate the million of ideas that sparked to life after all the connections made.  

I kinda thought about feeling a bit guilty for the lazy lounging around, but decided I couldn't be bothered with all that heaviness. It was heaven to just allow myself the space to really feel present with the changes that will come from the experience.

DO YOU NEED A REMINDER TO CREATE SPACE FOR REST?

I hope as always, my story and artwork will be a beautiful encouragement to inspire you. May this month's wallpaper serve as a reminder of what your heart is asking for. Whether it's good work or good rest. 

(Wallpapers are available in the Insider Library - Sign up for access HERE)

x Brenda

p.s The original painting for this month's wallpaper is available for purchase in my shop. Click Here to Purchase and Read the Story Behind "Waiting in Gentleness"