HOPE TO FLY
Skydiving. It was on my list of 'things to do' in life. I'm terrified of heights, but it seemed like something I should do. Strange I know. Actually, when the opportunity came to do it, even when bad weather meant I couldn't do it over a beach as I had hoped, even when I was strapping up and watching in horror as they explained my need to sign their documents, I still felt an internal urge that I had to do it. As my heartbeat increased with each feet the rickety old plane rose, my stomach couldn't handle the wobbly movement of the plane. I was feeling such motion-sickness I actually couldn't wait to get out of the plane. I was actually LOOKING FORWARD to jumping out of a plane at 12 000 ft in a daggy polyester jumpsuit, stuck to the front of a constantly chewing-gum adrenaline junkie. I didn't enjoy the usual claim of calm when coming down and when the shoot opened, the spinning actually made my nausea worse. I was just so glad to touch the ground. In the end, I am glad I did it. I realised I had to do it, because I was scared of it. I needed it because there would come a day, when I was sick of being in the 'safety' of my current situation and would look forward to doing something most sane people would consider irrational. Jumping into fear & the unknown. Fear and unknown are emotional responses. You may know in your head that success is rationally possible, but the fear still clings to you like fluff. It's hard to get rid of all of it. I am at that point now. The whispers inside me to create, to express myself more authentically & creatively are now as loud as nausea can be. I don't know what I am jumping into. I don't know exactly what I am doing. The fear is still there, but I am going to make it my friend. I am going to trust the whispers and let it sing. I look at that picture and it gives me faith, that it would all turn out for the good in the end. Hope is my friend too. ------------------------------------------------ comment zen... (inspired by havi) This is part of my new practice of expressing myself creatively. This reveal is something that’s hard for me and requires love, patience and compassion. What I really appreciate: being acknowledged (and maybe even cheered on) for being in the process. I like it when you say yay, you!
What I can’t deal with right now: any form of critique. I’m not interested in knowing about how I can do better or what I’ve misspelled. Maybe later on. Right now this is about me and my baby step process.