WHEN YOU WANT TO START OVER
DON'T DIG UP IN DOUBT WHAT YOU PLANTED IN FAITH
I'm sitting here in front of my computer and willing the words to come.
I'm not even asking for it to flow super articulately or poetically.
Just come forth and make a tiny bit of sense. Something simple but enlightening.
Maybe a little bit entertaining.
Something just remotely related to this beautiful quote I found and created this wallpaper before I could question what I was going to write about it.
But all that comes is little spurts of random rubbish.
Not like "oh, look at that beautiful messy image of life!" No. Just random bits that really is of no value to me nor to you. (just typing URGHHHHHH... wasn't very helpful)
so i contemplated not saying anything.
I'll just not bother. Scrap the whole thing. Start over some other day. Or even better, start something new instead.
I have plenty of new ideas and projects to pick from.
plus there is laundry to do.
Now I’m suppose to share some insightful process to get my mojo back. Some ritual maybe, or a practice to regain some energy and renew my creative well.
The thing is there won’t be anything new that you wouldn’t have heard of or tried yourself. And tactics here isn’t the point.
I want to talk about that moment when it feels like:
the best idea is to just scrap the whole thing.
You suck, the thing you’re creating sucks and really why bother when you WILL NEVER MAKE ANYTHING AMAZING EVER AGAIN.
OK -- while you may not be as dramatic as that little voice in my head, I know that doubt for everyone can truly make you believe it’s better to stop.
To give up.
To go back to what is safe, known and routine.
It works, it always works that way. Why change? Why make it so hard? Go the easy route
Be grateful and stop wishing for things you can’t have.
this is the moment when you need to just pause.
Pausing is different to stopping.
Stopping means forever and going on a different lane. Never going back.
Pause means, temporarily stopping for a rest. Pause might mean turning in a slightly different direction.
Even if you take a break and work on something completely different (a totally great way to renew mojo by the way), pausing means you leave a window open so you can STILL go back to it later.
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A quick google search on Elisabeth Elliot turned up some fascinating stories. As a woman of faith, she faced a lot of hardships.
Culturally. As a missionary. Emotionally and I imagine she may have struggled with her faith when her first husband was killed - and she continued her missionary work with the peoples who murdered her husband
talk about faith!
Sometimes, we lose sight of the bigger picture that God has called us to do. Especially when something happens that throws us out of sync.
With the size of the universe, we are so small. Sometimes that bigger picture is just SO overwhelmingly big.
things go wrong. challenges come up.
bad shit happens.
We focus on our weak human abilities and see how woefully inadequate we are. Not on the divine strength and genius that God is. We see instead, the huge ass mountain that lays infront of us.
I get how much easier it would be to just scrap the whole thing. I mean, why bother?
also, we’re just plain impatient.
Does this sound familiar?
I planted the seed, where is my fr-eaking oak tree dammit?! I worked my little fingers to the bone! I waited like a WHOLE DAY.
This is the moment I tend to think, maybe I should just dig up that seed.
Even that little sapling that just came out. It's obviously not working. Something is wrong. I must have done it wrong.
Maybe it's the wrong seed.
Maybe I'm the wrong person.
I should rethink the whole project. Rethink my whole strategy. My whole life!
Oh wait, what’s that saying? Something about noticing what the feeling is behind the voice that is calling for change.
IS IT FEAR?
This feels tight, anxious, impatient and has a critical tone that tells you that you suck and all is hopeless. Requests to change is more about protecting yourself out of fear and to stop your growth.
OR IS IT LOVE?
This feels like compassion and kindness. It feels spacious, a place where you are held. This voice may be lovingly telling you to change because it’s not aligned with your big picture goals. It may even be a loving ass-kicking to keep going - but you can feel the love behind that intention to push you forward.
that's what you have to remember!
the big picture goal.
What is it? That purpose you were called to fulfil?
This moment is when you need to remember that feeling you had when the energy was high and you planted that seed in faith.
Faith in God who gave you that calling, that big picture vision. Faith in the process, in the higher power who has your back and will show you/give you a way out. A way forward.
You wouldn't have been given this vision, this higher calling otherwise. God isn't a tease.
It might not look exactly the way you imagined, but doors will be opened in the direction you need to go to create that vision.
don’t be fooled by doubt.
Doubt is just fear dressed up as logic and rational ‘reasonable’ thinking.
Take a break if you must because the journey might be long.
It definitely won’t be easy.
But don’t let fear sidetrack you into thinking your doubt is protection and you should stop.
Just pause. Listen to the quiet voice of hope and love.
Do you just need to be kind to yourself?
Maybe you need to surrender something in order to allow something different to come in.
Maybe you actually just need to take a break and come back to this a bit later.
So you don’t taint the delicate beauty of it with your doubt.
Maybe you’ll need to just give it one last push.
Go all in and you’ll find breakthrough on the other side.
Ass-kicking accountability or gentle leading for rest. Both can be given with love.
Know which you need and keep going.
Connect with your heart. With your fear too - there is as much to learn from fear as from love.
And just start typing - the words will come. Begin from a place of love